


Gravity

by silvs



Category: Crash Landing on You
Genre: F/M, Korean Drama - Freeform, Sad, happy end, romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 13,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23040799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvs/pseuds/silvs
Summary: Ri Jeong-Hyeok has to be the most honorable, sweet, kind (and not to mention handsome!) hero ever. His love for Yoon Seri is so pure and selfless, it is tested time and time again, but they keep coming up stronger.  This fic is basically special moments from the story from his point of view.
Comments: 101
Kudos: 172





	1. Prelude: Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> episode 9

He could not breathe! If only his mind would clear of the panic, he was sure that willpower alone would allow him to sprout wings and soar out over the trees to reach his parents residence that much faster. All the movement he could make was the clenching of his jaw, the smashing of his foot on the gas pedal, the gripping of the wheel. The hour it took to drive lasted an eternity, yet somehow, through the haze of his fear, he could not, for the life of him, recall a single detail of the road. 

Racing into the house, every fiber straining to keep from wailing in premature grief, he saw his nemesis sitting calmly. Not answering his biting demands. How could this be real? Was it another nightmare, and would he soon wake up in his cell again? His mother’s desperate plea for him to breathe did nothing to relieve the anguish until suddenly...air. Light. Love.

Like brittle porcelain, the pain of loss crumbled away from his shoulders. The tears that fell were now a mountain stream of joy. The gravity of her pulled him to her, so close that he could feel the soft warmth of her sweet form. her smell swirled around him, comforting him further still. 

Her beseeching eyes, her fluttering hands; it was so hard not to reach out and drag her into his arms, to relish in the delicate shape and feel her yield. Yet even standing here was enough, their souls were intertwined, in a lover’s embrace that was melted in fire and nothing could tear them apart, nothing.


	2. Under my skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> episode 3

You know those moments in life where something small and seemingly insignificant happens, and you never realize at the time that it will change the whole course of your future? With her, I think, somehow, I knew. 

The first time I saw her, she was dangling helplessly from a tree, a tiny figure, raging into her walkie-talkie, demanding aid from who knows where. I could not help but smile at the image before me.  
She fell and I could not stop myself from propelling forward to catch her; I had never been so close to a woman. I could feel the shape of her and it spoke to me. 

Every moment after that was like a radio tuned in so finely and the volume turned to the max. She gets under my skin like no one ever has before. She provokes me: cajoling, crying, sighing and flirting, but any time I can feel myself getting worked up about it, in the next moment she disarms me with her vivacious nature.  
She burns through my savings like there is no tomorrow, the only proof that, back in her home country, she has easy access to wealth. She so easily gives away my possessions, which makes me frown, but her compassion for the beggar boy is so endearing; I would let her give away everything, just to see that look in her eyes that comes straight from her heart. 

She's spunky, yet vulnerable, and I find her to be altogether beautiful. I have been engaged to Dan for a decade, but only now did my heart ever stir up into a storm of feelings. I have never been jealous, but every smile she grants the boys, has me trying to lure another smile from her that is just for me. 

If only this were a South Korean drama. Then I would be comforted to know that this parting would not be our last. Some obscure twist in fate would bring our paths back together. 

The cold air of the sea clears my head of all thought but her, the smell of her shampoo, the slender slope of her shoulders, the nervous hands, her penetrating eyes….for many minutes I find myself fantasizing about her lips, lucky for me, her gaze is fixed on the dark horizon. 

And now we are trapped below deck, she quivers in fear, and there is nothing I can do. We need a ruse as to why we are here, and my thoughts pop back to the conversation I had with staff sergeant Kim Ju Muk about korean dramas. I eye her face, wondering if she will fall for my excuse. Then I do the unthinkable. I kiss her. 

Her lips. Soft. Sweet. She sighs. I draw a shuddering breath and pull away. I look anywhere but into her wide eyes. Will she slap me? Did I go too far? Our wandering eyes find each other and time freezes.

We startle as the hatch is opened once more, and in the next moment we surge towards each other like a dramatic scene at the end of a Hollywood film. Her arms grasp my shoulders, her fingers rake through my hair, I could just eat her; she is moving her lips and I open my mouth to suck her bottom lip between mine. My tongue caresses it, our mouths are wet and tasty. Her body is soft and moulds into mine and I feel my skin come alive. I press myself against her, no thought of the threat that looms over us, only her, and want and need.

A cough brings us back to reality. A judgement so mild, so lucky, but so devastating to her, as she sees her last hope of escape floating away. She does not realize how close we came to death.  
I ache for her, but my heart betrays me with a secret joy. She is not lost to me yet.


	3. Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> episode 5

There is hardly a moment when my thoughts do not dwell on her. When did that start? How has she gone from crash landing in my life to occupying my every thought, to invading my dreams? O sweet invasion. Did I ever think of her as a spoiled princess, that was but a moment, now she is a queen, regal and fair, beautiful, and beyond my reach.  
In my mind I see only her face, I try not to fantasize about being together with her, what use would that be? I just bask: she is like first sunlight after a dreary winter. 

It would be so much easier to not feel this whirlwind of emotions that threatens to overwhelm me. If I could just live out my days as a good captain, a good son, a good husband….life would be so simple…..and so dull.  
I will not bring dishonor to my father’s house, but how tempting it is to throw caution to the wind. 

I feel her gravity pull me in, her eyes speak and trust, her lips: they look so soft and inviting; I feel like I will starve before the night is past if I do not taste.  
But she is my lost swallow. She depends on me and I cannot abuse that trust. I cannot let her know how she tears my sad blackened heart to pieces and replaces it with a red one that burns like a fire. 

I clasp my hands tightly so they won’t reach out, I set my lips in a firm line; I will return to the discipline I have been taught and all will be well.


	4. dying in your arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> episode 6

Dying in your arms,  
is there a better fate than this?  
your love wrapped all around me  
is like a final kiss.  
your cries tear at my breaking heart  
Here on this road of harm!  
i want to be your hero,  
but I am dying in your arms.

I lie to myself. Constantly. Telling myself that all I have to do is live an exemplary life, and all will be well. Telling myself that making music everyday was a frivolity and is only granted to a precious few.  
I see hate and lies and corruption all around me, but I tell myself that if I live as a righteous captain, my morals will take my men to a higher plain and we can change that little piece of the world we live in. One can always hope right?

But who was I kidding. Deep down, I know the truth. Too often have I seen evil triumph over good, too often is tenderness mocked and trampled like white clover along the roadside. What difference does it make? Only a few more chapters and then this will all be over. The book of my life was never going to be very thick and definitely not riveting. 

But with her...how much has she blown everything apart? How strong do I feel beside her? How much mystery and promise does the future hold? My life has suddenly gained a sequel and I find myself daring to dream. It's so unrealistic, I keep telling myself, and her, when she calls me out. When my eyes betray me and she can read me like a book. I tell her she's ridiculous, but I cannot lie to myself anymore. She is the rarest thing I have ever seen, and I will risk it all to keep her from harm. 

She asks me to hug her, here at our parting, but I can not, though every part of my soul strains towards her. The memory of our secret kiss on the boat is seared into my body. My imagination runs wild.  
Her lithe shape pressed against me. I would softly put my arms around her, and pull her in, ever so slightly. Her forhead gently knocking against my shoulder. My chin resting on her hair. Maybe she would turn her face towards me, and I would feel her warm breath on my throat. I would glance down and her starry eyes would shine at me, her lips beckoning…

I shake the thought, it is too much. Only a handshake will keep the distance, and keep her safe from me and this fucked up country I call home. 

Yet here I lie, in her arms, fire blazing behind me, fire in my back where the bullet struck and fire in my heart as I have failed once again to keep her from harm. She screams in terror for my life but all I feel now is her arms. Finally. Heaven. I am dying in your arms.


	5. lay me to rest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> episode 7

Slowly, black turns to gray. To fire. Ages pass before the burning narrows down to my left shoulder and through the haze of pain I can hear an angel's voice. Sweet things she says, but what? The words don't register. All I can think now is, wasn't there something I still needed to do? 

When my head stops whirling, I wake. And remember. I died in her arms. And she is gone. Immediately I feel the chasm open in me, but at the same time I am grateful that she is no longer in danger. I send up a prayer for her wellbeing. 

A movement draws my eyes.  
At first I think I must be dreaming, what a lovely dream! But when she turns around, her reaction brings me back down to earth and panic rises to my chest. Why is she still here? She will definitely be caught now, what will become of her? Of my men? Of my family?  
The bitter words I bite at her find there mark. She is stunned and pained and it pains me, but she must know by now that life does not revolve around her. I choose not to dwell on the fact that for the last week, mine has. With a broken look in her eyes she shuffles from the room and I lay back feeling empty.

Until the doctor informs me that it is her blood that saved me! And that she has been crying the whole time. There is no denying it now, I am the biggest fool! Left alone with my guilt, I mull over any way she might have taken my words lightly, or how I could apologise. 

It's dark outside and it has started to rain. She is still not back and I start to worry.  
Years of training have changed my body into a strong unit, and it is most beneficial to me now, as I stand with the help of the IV pole. I shuffle down the hall in search of her. The hospital isn't very large and soon I see her at the end, looking dejectedly into the dark. I hear her mumbling sadly about not being able to leave and my heart feels heavy that this time it's me she wants to run from. 

I stop moving forward and wait for her to turn. Her eyes are red rimmed but as she looks at me, her face is filled with shock and concern. She informs me that I should be in bed, that I should not be concerned for her. I am concerned, it cannot be helped, she looks so sad and I am the one that caused it. 

"I didn't mean what I said to you. I'm sorry I was harsh to you"

She forgives me so easily, and I need to know why. Why she stayed, when by now she could be safe in the arms of her loved ones. In her own bed, in her own home. 

When she says that she had to protect me, it feels like a declaration. The secret place in my heart is forced open and I am overcome with affection. I have never known what it is: to want someone in this way. I wish for her the best that life can give, but I also want to envelop her in my arms and keep her by my side forever.

She tells me that my eyes are wistful when I look at her. What a ridiculous notion, who told her that she was allowed to read me? With my last vestige of self control, I inform her that I am just looking, but she persists. 

I can no longer withhold myself and swiftly lean down to press my lips against hers. The rain is a soothing melody and time stands still. The air is cool but she is so very warm. Respectful of her, I withdraw slightly to look into her eyes, to give her a moment to walk away if she chooses to do so, but she doesn't move. 

Her breath is hot on my lips and it is but a small movement to bring our lips back together. I can taste the salt from her tears and I savour it. My nose is pressing into her cheek and her feminine smell overwhelms me. I open my mouth against her soft lips and she responds in kind. Cursing the fact that my arm in a sling, and my need for stability keeps me from cradling her in my arms, I focus all my attention on her lips. I need to remember this for later.  
Soft, smooth, plump and red as a berry lips, I wonder how I have gone so long without tasting them. 

As the sensation grows, so does my need for her and I imagine, without this injury, I would grab her by the shoulders, and gently push her against the wall with my body.  
She would clutch at my sides and I would slide my hands to her slender neck and tilt her head at such an angle so that I could feast on her mouth. She might put her arms around my shoulders and pull herself up aginst my body. I would feel every curve and maybe….these thought are making me dizzy and I realize I need to slow down or I might faint. That would be awkward for us both. She doesn't ask me why. Just gives me a watery smile, walks around to my right side and puts an arm around my waist.  
"Come. You need to rest"


	6. when you died

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> episode 8

I have never been lonely when I walked through the woods alone. I have always felt the spirits around me, the wind whispering, the leaves giving off the smell of fall, the towering trees speaking of history unknown. The birds sing each season into being, the insects scurry an accompanying melody. Nature is a gift of music, too majestic to be captured in a single sheet. It has always comforted me, even in the darkest hour, when my brother was lost to me. For these were also the woods that he loved. And walking here was walking in his footsteps. 

But not now. For the first time, the air is still. The trees are frozen, the birds weep, nothing moves. Everything is suspended. There is no beat in my heart. My spirit screams and screams but there is no sound.  
With robotic motion I call that horrible number that has just ended my reason for being, but nothing. For just a moment, I think this must be a nightmare that I am about to wake from, but as my bones begin to shake, I realize I am wide awake. You love me. And you died. 

How long have I been standing here? Has it been a day? A year? Have the seasons passed me by and have my feet become roots and sunk into the ground? Let it be so. Just let me be a tree. Let my bark be a shield and my leaves a hiding place for the delicate swallows. Just like my swallow. Her fragile life has been broken off and she is gone because I was not a tree. I failed to protect her once again.


	7. air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> episode 9

I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe! How am I supposed to function when so many days have passed? Each hour takes her farther from me. She could be anywhere! I thank every deity I’ve known of, that Cheol did not get his dirty hands on her, or he wouldn’t be coming in every day to kick me down and demand her whereabouts. 

It took me a while to figure out that Dan went to my father, and I can’t decide if that’s worse! Sure, he’s a great man, fair and genuine, but he’s also chillingly precise. He has a very black and white kind of view and likes things to be clean. No stone unturned, no messy sides. If he suspects Seri to be a threat, there is no law to stop him from ending her life! His family comes first, and if he perceives her to be a threat, she will not have survived.

My jaw is strained from clenching so hard, the wounds on my knuckles stretch and burn with the gripping of the wheel. I pump the gas pedal as hard as I can, but this tortoise of a car will not gain speed. In a fantasy world my will power alone would cause giant wings to sprout from my shoulders. I would soar over the trees and reach my father’s house so much faster. Rage, sorrow, fear: it’s all a jumble in my head and the word “Seri, Seri, Seri” keeps chanting over and over in the hollow chasm of my heart. 

How I drove, or how I end up at my destination unscathed, I have no idea, but my body is strung so tightly, that I can barely jump from my seat. Somehow, I manage, and the agonising distance up the hill is filled with my lungs desperate appeal for air. 

Finally, I have arrived before my nemesis. He sits, calmly sipping tea, not a care in the world: my agony boils to the surface and everything explodes out of me. I demand to know. I have to know if she is still alive. He is maddeningly calm and refuses to answer my question directly and I fear the very worst. He questions my motives and there is no pride left in me; I pour out my heart before him, reminding him that to love someone so dearly is really the only thing worth living for. His only reaction is a raised eyebrow, he remains unmoved with my impassioned speech and he is immune to my tears. 

My mother, however, is not. Ever has she been my champion, the yang to my father’s yin, the reader of my heart, and she pleads for me now to breathe, but still, I cannot. My lungs constrict even further. She takes charge, informing my father that she wants a life outside of hell for me; alas, I am already burning. 

But then… Air. Water. Life. Love. 

She appears like in a dream, but she is real and my lungs can finally expand. All I see is her, and I am not ashamed of the tears that flow. Now is only relief. Even as she cries, she jokes about my heated speech. The pain of losing her dissolves from my skin and I move towards her with more ease than I have felt in days. She is like the moon, pulling in my tide.  
I drink in everything about her like a parched man wandering the desert. I long to wrap myself around her, but just to stand so near is enough. I can feel the warmth radiating from her. Her smell is all around me and I am hungry for her. Her eyes are relieved and so sad. Her hands flutter around my face, and I feel how she cares so much, it brings back the sad reality of our situation. 

She doesn’t know why I am late, maybe she thought I had abandoned her. I assure her that I am fine, but she is still worried. What must she have gone through, how lonely she must have been! She apologises again, tries to take all the blame, but surely she must know that we had to meet. I cannot say what is burning in my heart, but I can assure her that she is not to blame. Ever so slowly, I lift my hand to cup her face, and gently wipe the forlorn tear from her pale cheek. Our souls were destined to touch in one way or another, and there is nothing in the world that I will trade for the time we have together.


	8. I wanna hold your hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> episode 9

Everything is out in the open now. My father's eyes bore a hole into my scalp as he waits for my answer. A hysterical laugh almost bubbles up inside of me, but I manage to hold it in. The severity of our situation really doesn't do anything to me because she is alive! She's sitting right here, beside me! She has not been tortured or brutalized as my mind had thought while I was imprisoned. 

Her delicate hands are resting in her lap and remind me of how often I am tempted to hold them. When we stroll side by side, when our shoulders brush. When we were on the bicycle together, her hands clutching at the handlebar, her fingers brushing against mine. 

The few times I did hold her hand was to show my possessiveness. To claim her as mine, although it was just for show. But now I want to hold them so dearly to show her my affection. Not to stake a claim but to reveal to her how she has taken my heart. For it isn't as if I could ever say the words. Words make it too real, and this is a love that has been doomed from the start.

Snarky as ever she informs me that I have been rude to my father. This is a side of her I have not seen and it warms me that she is so respectful to my parents. My mother is beaming; it has been a long time since she looked that way. 

Father dismisses us, and I finally see my oportunity; I reach out to grab her hand.  
She shuffles behind me, her small hand warm in mine, her thin fingers clutching me tightly. My whole arm is tingling and I feel so strong beside her, I love that she is so small and delicate.

When I see the table with the bowl of noodles, I stop abruptly and she bumps into my side.  
Mother informs us that she's going to fetch some more food and we are left alone for the moment. The quiet that descends is filled with peace, but she is avoiding my gaze. I still haven't let go of her hand and I softly run my thumb back and forth over the back of it. Her skin is so soft! 

There are so many questions that I need to ask her; but where do I begin? And is this the right moment to be asking them?

She bites her lip nervously. I wonder if it's me she's nervous of. Without my knowledge, my body has already turned towards her and my fingers are stroking her cheek. The touch brings her eyes back to mine and words that I meant to say are stuck in my throat.  
I let my hand whisper down her slim neck to her shoulder, and stroke it down her arm until it reaches her other hand. My fingertips brush around to the inside of her palm and then I intertwine them between her fingers. She squeezes both my hands tightly and it is as if boiling water rushes through my veins. With both our hands so occupied, our bodies are almost touching and the air between us is fizzeling with expectation. My eyes explore her face, she is so beautiful and precious to me, I could look at her for hours. The look in her eyes is longing, it reminds me of that night not so long ago….

But then I hear a shuffle and a step: my mother is returning with sustenance. Reluctantly I let got of her hands and take a small step backwards.

When we're seated and finally eating noodles, I feel her knee touching mine and a light blush creeps up her cheek. I switch the chopsticks to my left hand, and when my mother glances at her bowl, I slip my hand under the table to find Seri's hand. Our fingers reunite eagerly, and as my large hand engulfs hers, we both sigh.


	9. one last time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> episode 9

When you're young, your life is filled with firsts. So many, that it seems that it's regular and you don't always notice or appreciate those fleeting moments. Growing up in privilege did not make me blind to the oppression of our nation, and I was quick to learn to appreciate every good thing that was granted to me.  
A loving mother, a stern but fair father and a brother who was my other half. The memory of him is most dear and most painful. Every book, every room, every song brings back another memory of him. I relish it and at the same time dread it. 

At some point in your life, firsts begin to diminish, and things you do for the last time take their place. I had not expected the last time I saw Moo-hyuk to be just that. I knew it would be a long time. The watch I bought for him with the prize money was not only to show appreciation for the sacrifice he had made to allow me the freedom to pursue a career in piano playing. It was also to say that no matter how much time we were apart, the years would fall away when once we met again. 

Even while I was enjoying the freedom of being in Switzerland, he was never far from my thoughts. So it was only logical that the melody that grew in my heart was for him. To play music is indescribable, but to create it, goes even deeper. One is humbled by it and then lifted. It is meant to be shared and I could not wait for the moment when I would play it for Moo.  
How was I to know that he would never live to hear it? Losing him...I lost the other half of me.  
After that, I no longer saw my father smile. My mother would spend hours sitting in his room. And I never touched the piano again. 

Mother had it tuned on a regular basis, but the pain remained too raw. If he had gone to Switzerland instead of me, he would still be alive. Every time I looked at a piano, I would see his face, and it seared through me.

But now I am sitting here, on my bed, struck by thunder. She is playing his song! This woman who has my first kiss, my first affection, my first love. It's like a dream, and in the simple melody I see his face, and there is hardly any burn. I slowly stand and move towards her, as if moving through a fog. I sit next to her, our thighs touch, and I play. I play again for the first time. Tears run unashamedly down my face as in the melody his face becomes clear and I hear him speak, as if he is in the room.  
"Jeong-hyuk, you finally brought a girl to your room, you naughty boy!" followed by a bellowing laugh.  
I smile through my tears. I know that he's not really here, but I feel like his dormant spirit has finally woken to watch over me. How did this slight of a girl manage to bring him back to me? I know that if Moo was still alive, he would absolutely adore her.

When Seri tells me the story of how she came by the song, I am blasted away by the evidence of our destiny. For a moment I wonder what she will say if I ask her to stay. But I cannot be so selfish. My little swallow needs to be free to fly. So I store away the heartfelt words she tells me and inform her that she will be returning home the next day.

As much as I try to distance myself from her, she keeps drawing me in, like a moth to a flame. She burns me inside with delicious fire. Being alone with her in my room brings all kinds of new gravitational pull and I need to leave quickly, lest I waste precious time preparing our getaway.

And now, 24 hours later, we stroll through no man's land, and I feel that gravity again. I have detained her for too long. Soon, she might begin to suspect that I am not as bad at night navigation as I said I was. I can't keep putting this off, just for my selfish wish to hear the fascinating things that come from her mind. To spend another moment, another minute, another hour with her. But before we reach the line, I need to address what she told me last night. My words to her are almost a prayer. I beg her not to disappear. She has me now. Her voice breaks when she reminds me that I won't be with her. My torso aches from not being able to reach out to her, but I cannot make this harder than it already is. My heart is forever tied to hers. She has to fly; but with all the hope that I can give her with my words: hope that she won't be lonely, that she will be happy till the end of her days. The windows of my eyes are no longer shut and I need her to see in them that she is the most precious treasure in the world. Words of love lie on the tip of my tongue, but I restrain myself. As much as I want her to know, I am afraid that it will create such a bond, that we will be forever broken if we are to be separated. And that is exactly what is going to happen before the dawn breaks. 

So much faster than I anticipated, we reach the line. Such a small and insignificant line, but it might as well be an active volcano for how it will separate us forever. Already I can feel my chest tighten, and for the hundredth time I wish so hard that our destiny could be anything but this. 

This is not a moment for heartfelt goodbyes or long speeches. We don't know what will happen tomorrow but I need to see her smile once more. It is my only assurance that maybe, she will be okay. 

When she turns to leave, the cord in my heart that is tied to hers begins to choke me. Every step she takes away from me wrenches at my bones and I feel as if I can't breathe. This really is the last time, surely it can't be so quick? Surely destiny won't close the book and say 'the end'? 

If I am to never see her again, surely destiny would not begrudge me one selfish step too far? 

Before I know it, my long strides cross the line and overtake her. I whirl her towards me. Her eyes are wistful and she is my love. I drop my helmet and clasp my hand around her neck to draw her to me. Our lips crash together hungrily and her arms encircle me. Her fingers burrow through my hair, and she pulls herself even closer to me. Bemoaning the fact that there are so many layers between us, I focus all my attention on what I can get. I can feel the gentle arch of her spine beneath my hand and I press her even closer. Her hair is so soft, I let my fingers tangle into the strands until I feel the contours of her head. Her soft lips are moist and answer mine with vigor. My heart is thundering in my chest and I realize we need to breathe. The moment I take my lips from hers, she sucks in air with a cute little whine and pulls my head down to open her needy lips against mine. Her tongue is lapping at my mouth and I open up more to let her in. Her taste makes my knees buckle, so I plant my feet more firmly to keep from falling. 

It's time I take some more initiative, so I tilt my head to reciprocate with my own tongue. The sounds we make are bare and intimate and satisfy me to no end. It also stirs up more hunger than I anticipated. My mouth grows more sensitive with each passing moment and I wonder if it's the same for her. I can feel myself getting light headed, so I leave her lips to trail wet kisses over her cheek down to her neck. With a sigh, she tilts her head to my shoulder. I nuzzle her ear with my nose. Suddenly I wish I had broken the rules. I had her with me so many days. We could have…  
Her breath is warm on my neck and it draws my lips back to hers. My face feels hot despite the cold air, and the smell that is uniquely her overwhelms my senses. I take turns sucking at her upper lip and then her bottom lip, contouring it and letting my tongue slip around them to softly caress her tongue. Every nerve inside of me is alive and crackling. 

Through the fog of my lust, I hear birds singing the approaching dawn and now our time has truly come to an end. Both my hands slide up to her face. Her lips are luscious and swollen. I hold her softly and look into her eyes. She regards me with a mixture of drowsy satisfaction and sorrow. I close my eyes for a moment and then gently kiss her forehead, her nose, her eyes, her cheeks, and at last, so very softly, her lips.  
When I pull back, her eyes are still closed, almost like she's asleep, but there are tears slipping from them. With my thumbs I wipe them away, and then I take her shoulders and turn her around. I give her a soft nudge and she begins her sad march towards the tree. 

There goes my love. There goes my heart. A sob wells up in my lungs, but I cannot let her hear it. If I want her to live the best life, I should lead by example. I'll ignore the fact that this sounds like the most ridiculous advice ever. My eyes are still fixed on her, as she grows smaller in the distance; for the last time, she disappears from my sight.


	10. days and nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> episode 10

The hours turn into days and it is almost as if Seri was never here. The boys don't mention her name, and without the need to sneak around, our shifts are efficient and simple.  
My days are filled with my regular duties as well as the investigation. All the paperwork I received from Man Bok needs to be examined and registered. Unexpectedly, he has become an ally and a friend.  
We still need to tread carefully; Cheol's wicked web may be uncovered, but we do not know how far his tentacles reach; the list Moo provided for us helps us a long way though.

The story of the watch is both fascinating and troubling. Why did he give it to a pawn shop? Did he somehow foresee his own death? He was so gentle and wise, but definitely also shrewd.  
Moo's last words, that Man Bok has provided me with, give me great joy but also break my heart. I sometimes wonder if, in another life, I have lived very badly, that I am now tormented with such agonising losses.

I have not spoken to Dan yet, and I don't really want to think about her. Before, I only thought neutral thoughts about her, but now I find that I am quite angry with her. I don't really see how I can possibly have any kind of relationship with her when her poisonous act of betrayal lies between us.

Days turn into weeks. The quiet order of a soldier has it's own soothing qualities, and one might think that not much else is needed besides camaraderie and justice.

But the nights, the nights are a different story. As the winter cold seeps further into the ground, my heart withdraws further into the deep. I do not want it to, I know it's not healthy. I know that love is important and that I have the love of my parents and my men, but it does not have a pull strong enough to rouse me from my despondency.  
I see the traces of her all around my dwelling place. A smell, a colour, a piece of clothing will remind me of her, and the cord in my heart, that stretches across the vast space between us, will jerk most painfully. She is a spirit haunting me. 

The tomato plant she so carefully sought out for me has an honoured place by the window. I give it much more than the allotted ten words a day; her name is on the list every time.  
The secret message she left for me in the book titles pulls my fingers like a magnet every time I pass them.

The only comfort I have is to imagine her in the loving arms of her family; how they must be rejoicing. I can just imagine her flitting around, eating everything in sight, giggling with friends over coffee, ordering her employees around and persuading them with snacks.  
Just the thought brings a smile to my face. I know that I will get through this. This pain must fade eventually, and I promised to send good thoughts her way. 

When I lie in bed, willing the hot tears away, swallowing back the lump of sorrow in my throat, I imagine that my hope for her is like a bird. Like a swallow. It soars up of my chest and out through the window. Over the forest, headless of borders and guns and hate, and it finds Seri where she sleeps. It gazes at her all night. Only when the stars begin to fade and tendrils of pink morning seep through the window, does it fly away, leaving behind the hope to carry her through another day.


	11. stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> episode 10/11  
> song

Following orders seems easy. You do what you are told and that's that. It gets challenging when morals get involved. What takes precedent: that which is commanded or what the heart says is right? Who determines what is right and what is wrong? Does every soul carry within it a compass that leads us to the truth, and is it the same for everyone?  
Often I have found that my compass would lead me to toe the thin line between the obsessive rigidness of a controlling government, and what I believe to be the inalienable rights of every human being. 

But now, my compass has gained a new dimension: Seri. Everything points to her. Like a tragic and inevitable love story that is bound to end in heartbreak but thunders on like an avalanche. 

When I discover Cheol's plan, my mind goes into overdrive and within hours I am on my way: to put an end to him, and save my most sacred love. 

Wandering through downtown Seoul, it's vastness is overwhelming. I strategize on how I can subtly gain information on her whereabouts, when suddenly it begins to snow.  
It brings back a warm memory of us in Pyongyang, with her head on my shoulder. I remember looking at her face in the reflection of the window. Looking back, I know I loved her then. It is as if her face is still in my sight, but only now do I see that she really is in my sight! She is standing across from me, looking stunned and lonely. 

Eager strides take me to where she is and I take all of her in; she is more beautiful than I remember. She thinks she is dreaming, and her eyes are a window to her heart. When she runs into my arms, the empty place in my heart finally fills, like a dam breaking and flooding the lands. My cheek rests against her silky hair and I breathe her in deeply. I am home. 

It's adorable to see her in her own habitat, the way she takes charge and tries to protect me. It's also awkward: being so dependent on her. I'm used to being my own man, I realize I'm somewhat out of my depth here. I don't have that many funds, and she may be incredibly rich, but having her provide everything, down to the clothes I wear, goes against my fundamentals. When I inform her of this, she easily laughs it off, telling me in no uncertain terms that times have changed and to get over myself. That she has more money than she knows what to do with and if she can't spend it on those she loves, what use is it. I can see how she enjoys this and I realize that I felt the same pride when she was with me in the north - when I was able to use my means and methods to protect and provide for her. So I decide to let it go.

The hardest part is finding out that she was not exaggerating the hatred her siblings have for her. To hear them disrespect and tear her down that way; it takes all my willpower not to run out from behind the wall and beat them to within an inch of their sanity.  
Seri is humiliated and I can feel it uncomfortably in my bones. I know how my brother's love has lifted and built my confidence, how has she grown into to such a self sufficient and noble person without the support of loved ones? How can these people not see how special she is? There are no words, so I surround her with my arms, and hold her tightly, hoping to convey that she is worth a million of them, hoping that my love will warm her enough to expel the forlorn emptiness in her heart.

Cheol manages to trick me once more and again I struggle to breath. How does he manage to slip out of my clutches so easily? How does he get so close to her? I would give my life again and again, but I also know that in the empty coldness of his heart, there is no room for mercy. If I die, he will not let it be in place of Seri. Outsmarting a trickster, that's not one of my strong suits.  
When the lights go out, and Seri starts yelling at Cheol, the relief is immense. If she weren't exposing herself by doing so, it would almost be comical. My ears and my heart draw me to her, and at the exact moment she is about to walk directly into danger, I pull her to safety.  
Her face is small and pale under my hand, her eyes are huge. We are safe...for now.

Love never is easy is it? The day that I will disappear from her life is fast approaching, and it's getting harder to justify not staying.  
I see it in her eyes every time, how she needs me, like I need her.

Again with the sleepless nights, but this time filled with daydreams. Waking up with her, seeing her all messy from sleep. Making her breakfast and walking with her, hand in hand.  
Becoming friends with her friends and always keeping her in sight. Asking her to marry me. Her, pregnant with our child. Kissing her….all the time!!  
I don't even try to stop myself. In the real world I have to reign myself in, not give in to every urge, but these nights are my own to dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, so while I was trying to find a writing angle, there were different lines going thru my head, and I ended up with a song!! super excited about it, and I didn't want to wait to share it with you guys. so here goes. I don't have a very loud voice, and it's a rough draft : with a house full of quarenteened kids, I'm not going to be able to make a proper recording any time soon🙄😆  
> I made 1 mistake: i meant to use the word swallow, but accidentally used sparrow instead. they look so much alike😄  
> you should be able to find the song using this link:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoPms880LUA
> 
> If the link wont work - it's on YouTube called 'stay #crash landing on you'  
> username is tm vg
> 
> stay (Jingnyeo and Gyeonu / Jeong-hyuk and Seri)
> 
> reach across the stars  
> I will find you where you are, my sparrow  
> sail on golden wind of autumn  
> over blackbirds’ bridge, into your arms, weaver girl
> 
> My herd I left behind to find if the memory was true  
> now more than ever it's clear that all I see is you
> 
> meet me by the river, but stay out of sight  
> no matter where you go, I will find you tonight
> 
> reach across the stars  
> I will find you where you are, my sparrow  
> sail on golden wind of autumn  
> over blackbirds’ bridge, into your arms, weaver girl
> 
> let this be a forever dream; your touch soft as water  
> one night is all we have; eclipsing every other
> 
> If fate dealt us this hand, then rearrange the stars  
> the sky is a reflection of tomorrow. It shall be as it ever was.
> 
> stay with me. grow old with me. Stay by my side, just stay.  
> stay with me. grow old with me. Stay in my sight, just stay.
> 
> reach across the stars  
> I will find you where you are, my sparrow  
> sail on golden wind of autumn  
> over blackbirds’ bridge, into your arms, weaver girl


	12. the boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> episode 12

Living with Seri is pure bliss. Well, apart from the sociopath and the looming separation… 

Seeing her in her element; she carries herself with such poise and confidence. She owns every room, she really is like a queen. How often do I feel like a doting subject; but who am I kidding, I really am!  
I see so clearly now, that our hearts are cut from the same stone, and will forever be drawn towards each other. Even though our future can be nothing other than apart, I will never regret loving her. Alas, I cannot say the words. That would make it too real. I need that last wall of pretense; so that we won't completely break when I disappear from her life for the last time. 

The night of secret confessions is wonderful and at the same time, so very hard. Not just the yearning in her eyes, or the truth of my words that I had not spoken before, not even to myself; but the fact that she will have forgotten this by morning.

It's very late, and Seri drags herself off to bed drunkenly. As I walk down the hall, I stop by her bedroom door. It's opened slightly and the temptation to see her again is too great.  
Stealthily, I slip inside to find her slumbering peacefully, so I sit down on the floor and just look at her. Her face is sereen and her sleep is deep. The light from the bedside table illuminates her face and I take her in unabashedly.  
The gentle arch of her brow, the lashes that lay still as a butterfly's wing, her pearly skin. The lines and slope of her cheekbones and the shape of her chin that turns my insides to mush. My perusal ends when my eyes arrive at her lips and cannot seem to move on from there. They are parted slightly as she breathes, pink and soft and round. After a while, she starts mumbling and moving. At first I cannot discern any words, until she speaks:  
"Jeong-huok, you cannot take a piano with you while paragliding!"

I almost choke on my laughter and decide that I have tempted myself enough, it's time I turn in for the night.

The next day, the day of the opening, I am on full alert, as this could be an opportunity Cheol might use to catch us off guard. 

A commotion catches my attention and to my dismay I see a familiar form, fallen and cringing in pain. It's private Geum Eun Dong!  
When I see staff sergeant Kim Ju Muk rushing to help him, I realize that something must be very wrong. What in the world are they doing here? And what are the odds that they would show up where I am? Do they think I defected and have they followed my example? I don't want to think they would be so reckless. 

It seems that Eun Dong has left on sock clad feet so he probably won't get very far.  
A quick scan of the area reveals to me that the whole gang has crossed the border, and although I am anxious, it also does my heart good to see my boys again.  
As I approach, I can see how dejected they are and I wonder how they have survived this far.  
Sergeant Pyo Chi Su is grumbling at Eun Dong for losing his shoes, but then takes off his own and gives them to him. I'll have to remember that for later. Pyo Chi Su may act all tough on the outside, but definitely his heart is in the right place. I'm glad that their brotherhood is just as strong as always.

Seeing the tears run down Eun Song's cheeks sends another wave of emotion through me; he's still just a young boy, so far away from his loved ones, and my heart goes out to him. It's time to let them know I am here. 

I kneel by Eun Dong's feet, and pick them up one by one, to put his shoes on. I feel like a father, taking care of his lost son. The silence is deafening and I smile on the inside at the humour of it. 

When I straighten up and confront them about why they are here, I see in their eyes how exhausted they are. What has happened to them? 

Eun Dong is the first to fall into my arms, crying my name, and Kim Ju Muk and Park Quang Beom follow as well. Tears well up in my eyes as their unusual behaviour reveals to me more than words can say. I will find out later what is actually going on, but for now, I need to take care of my boys, my family.

Seri arrives and leaps from the car; it does my heart good to see her joy at the sight of the boys. Their reunion is nothing short of endearing, but their close proximity stirs my protective nature.  
It's time to resume my role as captain and bring back some dignity to this rowdy bunch. It's time to strategize.

We take them home. That evening Man Bok explains my father's plan, and it is as if the veil of the cocoon that I have lived in for these last couple of days is lifted. The reality is now clear: there is a time limit and there is so much more at stake than the fragile feelings that I have for Seri; I must bolster myself and focus. Cheol is an iron spider sitting in a web that can wait for many seasons, I do not have that luxery of time. We need to flush him out.


	13. words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> episode 12/13

What's in a word? How many words have been spoken and hang heavily between us? How many times have I said the opposite of what I really wanted to say? How many times have my words held her at arm length? 

She is so strong, so powerful, and she tells me to go. To adhere to my father's wishes and get on the north-bound bus, and be safe.  
She has the means to keep herself out of harm's way; she will use them all, so I should not worry about her.

But she does not know that I don't only fear for her physical safety. It's her heart that I am most worried about. The shattered pieces show themselves in her eyes. My swallow has a broken wing and I fear that she will eventually succumb in the harsh winter of reality.

For too long has she dwelt in sorrow, and it is my duty now, to bring light into her world. It kills me that I won't be able to be around for the rest of her days, but surely there are things I can do to build a foundation for her? 

Words are all I have.  
When she runs from the building, weeping, and she does not want me to see her face, I embrace her from behind and use my words to paint a picture for her future. I don't even know if she catches my confession.  
She is so much engraved into my heart that I will see her before my eyes every day that is left for me to live.

Words are all I have.  
When I approach her in her bedroom, and awkwardly tell her that my gift is not a token. That it has no special meaning and she shouldn't read too much into it. That she can pawn it if she wants.  
What I really want to say is: "I want to bind my heart to yours in every way possible. Even when I'm gone, I will still be with you."

Our hands touch and touch and we look at them, and all I can think is "I love you, I love you, I love you!" The words linger in my mouth. All I want to do is crush her slender form against me and kiss her senseless and make love to her and wake up with her, soft and warm and drowsy. 

But if there was ever a moment we could have given in, it is not now, with a house full of my men. 

There is never enough time.


	14. blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> episode 14

Blame. Such a short word for such a large act. Isn't it the the go-to action when we need to escape from guilt, from a deadline, from facing consequences?

I'm not saying it's always wrong, but I see now how I have let blame become a fortress around me, to stop me from facing the very deepest desire of my heart: to live with joy, to love fully.

Blaming a regime comes easy, it sucks to not be able to charter your own course in life. Blaming a culture that promotes marrying your children off as opposed to the struggle of building a relationship yourself. Blaming parents for every misfortune you think they might have cleared from your path before you grow older and finally realize that misfortunes go with life and can build your character for good or for bad: you decide. Blaming enemies who seem wrought upon your destruction, that's a good way to postpone your own wishes for life.

But most of all, I realize now, I have blamed myself. Every wrong turn, every action that did not pan out the way I had hoped. Every time I lost her, only to be granted one more chance. Telling myself I had failed was also telling myself that I did not deserve her. Though we were meant to be, she could definitely do better once we had been separated for a while. 

But now she lies here, dying in my arms; it is as if a bomb goes off directly besides me. My soul is shredded to pieces and in the blast I cannot hear myself scream. Who called the ambulance? Who is chasing Cheol? Is it really her blood that I feel, sticky and pulsating against my hand? 

Hours pass and I stand. There is no earthly tie that will allow me any closer than just outside her door where eons pass in blurry sound and pain and sickly smells. Her body does not move. I would think she was dead already except for the fact that they have not stopped working on her.  
If she was gone, surely they would cover that pale visage? If she was gone, that last tiny burning ember of my soul would fizzle out and die, and surely all my bones would become crisp and dry and disintegrate in the cold winter wind?

When even this place by her door is not granted to me, and I am sent from her side, I am unhinged with fear. How will I protect her if I cannot see her? Not only does the maniac Cheol still roam free, but her wicked family has free access to her room while she lies vulnerable and alone. With every hour that passes, my chest constricts more and more and it becomes more difficult to breath.

I want to blame myself again. However, there is nothing I can do but think, and it occurs to me that she never blamed me. She finds me worthy enough to love, to die for.  
I can feel my fortress crumbling down around me as I realize that I have been holding her at arms length to protect myself. 

And now I have missed my chance to give her my love, a gift she so freely gave to me. Sure, she knows how I feel for her. But there is a difference in actually saying the words. Making visible, face to face, the cords that tie our hearts. After all the words and looks and touches we have exchanged, I suddenly sense the gaping hole where the words "I love you" were meant to fit. She should never have to doubt that.  
She, who has renewed my will to live. Who has shone a light into my darkness. 

My phone rings. The most beautiful sound in the world. Her voice. It is soft and weak and she scolds me for not being by her side. My love is alive! Even as we speak my legs propel me forward, and it is as if I am wading through a bog, I can hardly move my legs fast enough. The distance to her room seems to stretch for miles but I would run like this for a hundred years to reach her in the end.

At last, I see her face. My chest expands and I can finally take a deep breath. She is alive and so small and fragile in her bed. I cannot hold back my tears or the pain of almost losing her. What a relief when she lifts her arms and I can finally lean into her and touch her ever so softly. Her hair is soft against my cheek and her arms tremble on my shoulders. 

Nothing will stop me now, I am hers and she is mine.  
"I love you."


	15. blasphemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> episode 15

How did life go from sweet to bitter in just one moment? Cheol's deceit follows me beyond the grave.  
In my ears there is a high pitched ringing that never fades. Around and around, in circles my thoughts go; father, mother, Seri, Eun Dong, Seri, Chi Su, Seri, Ju Muk, Seri, Quang Beom, Seri, Man Bok, Seri, Moo, Seri, Seri, Seri...

There is no way out. Only silence and deceit and death.

I can see how my words hurt her, it is evil blasfemie, but she must be protected at all cost! What kind of yin yang darkness lies dormant deep inside of me that I am capable of such cruelty!?  
She cringes as her healing body is crushed beneath my cold lies. The joy, that has so sweetly bloomed under my loving touch, withers before my very eyes. This is like a horrible game played by uncaring gods. 

She is the other half of me. In any other life we should have found each other and lived together as one….but in this life, someone played a devious trick. I have anguished, over and over, for a way out, but there is none. It is my love for her that would condemn her. 

Only years of training allow me to force my tears back, to pull, with all my might, my hands down before they stretch out to cup her soft cheeks between them, to stop myself from kissing her all over her sweet face, wiping away those heart wrenching tears. 

If I don’t lie, my father will be killed, as well as my mother. Seri will be arrested and lose everything. I feel as if I have been condemned from the moment I was born! If only I had not been born.  
Then again...to not know her...to not feel that joyful surge in my heart every time she looks at me….that would be a greater loss. 

Even growing up under the iron fist of a cruel fatherland, I have known brotherhood and camaraderie, I have known the love of my mother and father. These are also things worth living for.  
But alas, none of these things bring comfort to me now. I can see her shuddering breath, it is like looking through a mirage, a crack right through her heart, I feel it keenly in my own. 

How I love her, and how I must break her to sever her tie to me, this tie to damnation. 

She leaves, slowly, and my heart, like a ghost, leaves my chest to go with her. I can let go now, and hot tears stream down. My breath stutters and I am in hell.


	16. north and south

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> episode 16

When Seri first told me that she was like a swallow that I had saved, I was secretly honoured that she thought of me as Heungbu, the poor man who accepted his fate in life, and had a good heart. 

What does she think of me now? I am like Nolbu, for I have broken her on purpose. I deserve nothing more than to be deluged under garbage for the way I tore into her freshly healing wounds. 

In the quiet of my cell, I cry myself into a stupor countless times, and each time I awaken, I am slammed again and again by the painful memory.  
I try to comfort myself by thinking of our happier moments, but the guilt is so overwhelming that I concede and give myself over to the pain. It's no less than I deserve. 

When agent Min Ji Hun shows me Cheol's laptop, and the extent of Cheol's deceit, I am only slightly mollified. The deadline for returning north has long since passed, and Seri's condition is still dire. 

But then the phone rings.  
The ringing in my head returns. From far away I can hear agent Min inform me that Seri's mother requests that I be there. Something is very wrong.

How I get dressed in civilian clothes or end up in the hospital, I cannot tell you. I am running, but this time it isn't her voice that draws me. The emptiness of a world where she is not alive yawns before me and my soul bursts within me.  
I reach the window and press my hand up against it. One hand by her head and one by her feet. If only I could hold her like this for real. If only I could cradle my swallow in my hands, cover her with my warmth, breathe life into her hollow frame.  
Who thought of this ridiculous system where willpower alone can't change what needs to be done? Why must life be so delicate to hang by a string, and why can't the tie I feel to her heart be enough to pull her from the brink?

Days and nights pass in aching silence as poison creeps through her veins and her blood struggles to overpower it. All my mind and heart and soul is focussed on foisting that enemy from her frail body.  
The only movement, besides the oxygen that forces her abdomen to rise, is a tear that slowly trickles down the side of her face. Inside my head a wailing sound emerges as I can only imagine what horror she faces in her nightmare, all alone. How she must be struggling to climb out of that darkness, and there is no hand to reach out to her.

I can feel the eyes of her family and employees glance at me from time to time, but thankfully, no one approaches me. 

Finally that blissful moment arrives, and the fight is over. A soft flutter of her eyelash, a deep breath into her lungs and she is awake. For an eternity I wait for her eyes to lock onto mine until I realize that this was not the plan. She has to move on, and become strong. I will never see her again.

I reprimand myself for wallowing in grief; didn't I urge her to live the best kind of life? I am still here aren't I? And there are still things I can do to bring light into her darkness. 

Agent Min seems satisfied with the account of all that has happened, which is only logical, for it is the truth. He is a shrewd and astute kind of man and if our countries would ever grow a pair and reunite, he would be an honourable colleague to work with.  
He brings me my phone, and when I pitch him my plan, he is all too willing to help. 

Words flow so easily, like a piece of music played over and over again. My wish for her days and nights, my hope for her love and friendships, my encouragement for her to explore new things. I can dwell on all the time we won't have, or I can bask in the memories we had that are like glowing gemstones in the treasure chest of my heart.  
I can just picture her surprise and eagerness at every message, and it saddens me that there is a years limit on this technology. 

My last message to her is risky and a long shot. I can not make her a promise, but to give up on some kind of future together, to give up on this most beautiful masterpiece of love, that would be ludicrous. What else is there worth living for?

Still, my heart is heavy as we head for the border. I am not altogether sure of my future, nor that of my men; I fear the worst, and although I would lay down my life for my men, I don't think that will be an option. And my mother. She will not survive losing another son. I shudder to think of how she will deal with it. 

The exchange at the border is quiet and cold. Agent Min seems reluctant. There is no room for pleasantries. 

A screeching tire, the click of the handcuff, a gasp and then she cries out my name. She is here! Why is she is running like there is nothing wrong?! I throw off the men around me to run to her. My heart burns as I imagine her heart giving out, her legs cannot be strong enough, she will fall and I won't be there to catch her. 

When she crashes into my arms, my lungs fill again with air that has been shallow for days. How do we move on from this? How do we survive without each other? I savour her arms that cling to me and memorize the contours of her body for the last time. I can't give her any answers or promises but in this moment I know: she was a gift in my life and I will never regret that. I will always try to find her.  
I confess that I broke her heart and that she should not dwell on it; she brushes it aside like it was nothing. 

"What do I do when I miss you so much?" she cries the very words that I am thinking and my insides twist in sorrow.

I close my eyes in pain, but also look deep into myself, drawing from that last leaf of hope that still abides within me. 

"Just wait...and pray desperately."

If there is a deity above, who has any kind of compassion, we will storm his castle with supplications, until he gives in to our request.

One last touch; her skin is warm, her hair so soft between my fingers. One last look; the contours of her face beckon me like spring. One last time to say "I love you"; her words float around me like a heartbreaking melody.

We are torn from each other's arms and this time she stands weeping, while I disappear in the distance.


	17. a new beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> episode 16

No matter how long and dark the winter, spring always returns. 

It's good to be home. To see the joy in my mother's eyes. My first night back in the bed where Seri slept - it wasn't even that long ago - finds me shaking and weeping bitter tears. Mother comes in on slippered feet. She sits behind me and strokes my back, softly humming an old lullaby from my youth. She doesn't say a word. Slowly, I drift from consciousness. 

After the shock of nearly being executed anonymously in the woods, and then having my father rush out from the trees like a middle-aged Rambo, shooting and killing point blank; I don't think I will ever be shocked by anything anymore.  
I want to feel bad, father has taken justice into his own hands, something we've fought against all our lives. But sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. And I am too drained to care.

It's good to see my men wistfully settle back into their routine. To meet the villagers that I have grown to love as well. They are careful not to mention Yoon Seri and I am grateful for it. I do see the pity in their eyes, but I take it in stride. 

Seo Dan comes to see me. She informs me that the engagement is cancelled. The hard shell of arrogance that surrounded her like armour is now gone, as she haltingly tells me of what transpired between her and Gu Seung-joon. I'm very sad to hear of his death, he did not deserve that. Neither did she. It's astounding to hear how he changed Seo Dan's obsession for me into a carefree love for him. How he was true to her until his own end.  
That evening, I honour him with a chopstick ritual and send up well wishes for his soul in the next life.

Slipping back into a routined life allows for my thoughts to often drift across the border. What is she doing now? Did she eat breakfast? Is she going for a noon walk like I invited her to? Is she eating alone? Did she manage to grow the edelweis? Does she understand it's meaning? 

At night my thoughts dare to go further. Will she wait for me? Will she look for me in Switzerland but not find me? Will she move on?  
The thought of her gazing lovingly into another man's eyes has me gnashing my teeth. The thought of her surrendering to another man's arms almost puts my fist through the wall, so I decide that it is not an option to dwell on this.

Our love is written in the stars, I will not doubt it. But I miss her so much. 

When a year has passed and my father informs me that he has procured a place for me as pianist in the national symphony orchestra, I feel the seed of hope begin to grow. At regular intervals, the orchestra performs abroad, sometimes even in South Korea.

Still, it takes years of patience and not too eagerly showing my hand, to be elected to visit another country. Fate, it would seem, looks kindly on me now as I am chosen to perform in Switzerland for the very foundation that I discover Seri has set up. 

As soon as I arrive in Switzerland, I contact one of my old school mates and ask for his help in possibly locating Seri. I suspect that if I would make a whole lot of phone calls, it might look suspicious. 

It only takes a day for him to get back to me with information. Seri is here! She is off paragliding and seeing as I know where she will end up, there is no stopping me from meeting her there. 

The train ride is too slow for my jumpy self and as soon as the doors open, I dash off into the distance. After a short sprint I slow down, realizing that getting there faster won't really make a difference, but I can't stop the bounce in my step nor the smile that threatens to split my face. 

It may be minutes, it may have been hours, but when Seri finally glides from the heavens and lands in a heap in front of me, my heart is about to pound it's way out of my chest. 

I force my voice to stay calm while I comment on her landing full of grace, just waiting for the clue that she still wants me as I want her. 

Her face is filled with disbelief, then shock, then tears. She is more beautiful than I remember. I would run to her but it feels like my feet are glued to the ground. No matter, for she is sprinting towards me and leaps into my arms. Just like how she fell from the tree when I saw her for the first time. 

Her smell whirls around me and her shape speaks to me in familiar tones. When we finally loosen our grip to look into each other's eyes, she looks at me with a wistful gaze.  
I cannot wait another moment. I bring my lips down to hers and we melt together. She is still at first, and I softly move my lips against hers, opening mine slightly to bring hers between mine. Her hand moves into my hair and tugs on the short strands, pulling me more into her. Our breath mingles around our cheeks. 

I could go on like this forever, but I also long to look into her eyes, to find out how she has lived and how she has changed. 

The bliss of our reunion lasts forever and finally Seri squirms in my arms and says she needs to go home and will I come with her.  
We make quick work of folding her parachute, and she takes off her jumpsuit. Underneath it she is wearing an outfit similar to the first time - leggings and an oversized sweater. I can't take my eyes off of her shapely legs. 

Her car takes us home much faster than the train ride over, and during the ride she explains how she bought a chalet overlooking the lake and the mountains. How she did everything with me in her mind and she hopes I will approve. I don't say much, her voice is so happy and I feel the pieces that have been broken inside of me slowly come together.

The chalet is stunning and she tells me that she will give me a tour after she's had a quick shower.  
I love what she has done to the place, but I want my first time seeing it to be with her, so I set my bag down, take off my shoes, and stand on the balcony.

This is real and yet somehow it still feels like a dream. My thoughts drift back to every moment that I restained myself; every time I did not give into the desire to make her mine in every physical way. There have been moments that I regretted it dearly, but somehow it also seems fitting that we waited. This is the first time we are together without a threat looming over our lives. The mountains are bathed in a late afternoon light and seem to hum with joy and anticipation.

I hear her soft footsteps and her arms sneak their way around my waist; I cover her hands with my hand, stroking my thumb over hers. She squeezes me and her muffled voice in my sweater asks me if I want to see the rest of the house.  
I turn around, her face is freshly scrubbed, her damp hair is piled on top of her head. She is wearing another sweater with leggings and again she has never looked more beautiful. I take her hand in mine, lacing our fingers together and she leads me inside.

When we reach the upper landing, she becomes restless. She draws me into the first room. If I didn't know it was hers, by the way that her possessions are scattered around, I would have recognized it by her smell. Heady and floral: it overwhelms my senses. Seri lets go of my hand and wrings her fingers together nervously.

"I...um….this is the master bedroom…. I sleep here. I don't want to assume…. if you...that we….there are multiple extra rooms down the hall. Or if you want this one, I can move.."

Before she can say another word, I have her backed up against the door, my arms stretched and my hands splayed beside her head. I lean down to catch her gaze. Our faces are but a handwidth apart; her eyes are huge and her lips part with a quick intake of breath. 

"Yoon Seri. Do you really believe that after all these years, I want to be anywhere else than by your side?" 

I pause to give her a chance to respond. My thoughts drift back to when we just met, and I held her trapped against the gate in a similar fashion. Did I have a single inkling then, how she would graft herself into my life? She still hasn't responded, and I lower one hand to cup her cheek. 

"I love you so much. I desire you so much. My nights have been cold and lonely thinking of…"

This time it is she that interrupts me as her hands grab me by my neck and she smashes her lips against mine. My arms go around her and I pull her to me so tightly that she lets out a little squeak. Our mouths are no longer hesitant and I explore her lips with my tongue. Her lips taste like mint and Seri, her tongue dances with mine and every nerve ending is fried. She is a tasty snack and I could just eat her up. Her arms grasp at my shoulders, and her leg wraps itself around my calf. 

Reading her unspoken desire, my hands stroke down her back, to the curve of her hips and then to her thighs. My fingers dig into her flesh as I hoist her up by her legs and she is quick to wrap them around my waist. Her hands slide from my shoulders up into my hair and her fingertips run back and forth.

She burns me like a sharp fire and fits around me like a memory.

My hands cannot stop moving and I slide them up her thighs, squeezing her softer round parts, to which she giggles and squirms. Blood is boiling through my veins and I need more. I slide my hands under the sweater she is wearing and inhale sharply when my hands meet her bare skin. She is fluid silk. 

We're still standing, with shaking legs, pressed up against the door. Anchoring her to me, I spin around, taking a few steps towards the bed until the mattress hits my knees. I want to lay her down gently, but her legs are still tight around my waist and we end up tumbling down in a messy heap. I worry about crushing her but she is giggling again, so I know she's all right.

"Jeong hyeok. I love you so much. I will waste no more words on insecurity. Now I demand that you take this off!" 

She plucks at my sweater, and I want to laugh, but she has spoken my mind. Sitting up, I reach over my head and in one smooth motion pull my sweater over my head. Her eyes glaze over and I can't help but smile. It makes me happy and proud to know she enjoys looking at my body. I take a slow deep breath. Her eyes widen. 

Her legs have loosened and she quickly shuffles onto her knees. Her eyes are glued to my chest and her hands are hot on my skin. She traces the shape of me and I let her. When she leans in and softly presses her lips to the bullet scar on my shoulder, it becomes too much. 

I bring my hands to the bottom of her sweater and slowly gather the material in my hands. She sits back and raises her arms so I can easily remove it. Her hair comes loose and cascades around her shoulders in a cool wave. She is a sight to behold and everything falls silent. She is so delicate compared to me. Her skin seems to glow in the late afternoon light, I trace the outline of her breasts with my eyes as they rise with every drawn breath. 

She smiles softly at me, then reaches for my hand still clutching her sweater. She lifts it to her face, kisses my palm and then lowers it to her breast. My fingertips touch the side and then move down in an arch and press softly into the tender flesh. I cup my palm under her breast and the round weight of it fills my hand with delight. My hand traces down the downy skin, feeling the slight shape of her ribcage, until my fingers reach the puckered skin of her own scar. I look up into her face and we stop moving. 

Our eyes speak of longing so long denied; the cord between us, that has been stretched unbearably far, now wraps around us both and our bodies slowly move closer, until we are both on our knees. The air between us crackles in anticipation and we finally come together: hard body and soft skin. Quiet fire licks at every nerve endings. My hands roam over the expanse of satiny skin that is offered to me; her curves and slopes are lucious and warm. I lower my lips to her shoulder; my hand cups the back of her head and she tilts it to lure my kisses up her neck. I comply, crooning her name over and over while I come back to nuzzle her ear. Her soft sighs spur me on. Magnetic lips draw mine back to hers; I cup her cheeks between both my hands and give her soft kisses all over her gorgeous face: her eyes, her nose, her cheekbone, her chin. Her eyes are closed and a big smile rests on her lips and when I feel it mold to my own, it is an answer to the oldest prayer.

We are surrounded by orange and pink light as the sun is setting and I could swear that every move we make is part of a never-ending symphony. I will never tire of her. Our hearts are healing, our bodies are finding their true calling and we become one.

~the end {or just a new beginning}~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's as far as I can go, smut wise; I like a juicy smut scene as well as the next gal but I can't get over the awkwardness of writing it 😅 what if someone i know reads this😱  
> actually, I kind of like leaving the rest up to your imagination. kind of like how the show ended.  
> When I first watched it, i was a bit bummed by the idea that it was hinted at that they only met for 2 weeks every year. but watching it a second time gave me more appreciation of how pure and special their love was and how they would be grateful for what they could get.  
> you see, he really can't leave without jeopardising his parents. so my idea is that maybe 10/15 years from now, they die of old age, and he fakes his own death and moves in with Seri. but that's not a story I feel like writing. for now😁  
> anyways, I appreciate u guys reading it, preciate the comments.


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